The Eclectique Butterfly

things just aren't going my way...

One of Sara's presents that I ordered on the 15th is not getting here until the 29th (and I think I ordered the wrong size) so she is getting a picture of it instead, *sigh*.  

I asked Kris to clean the house today, well I should have known better than to expect him to see the kitty throw up under the chair in the dining room.  At least his bathroom is clean :)

And then the final insult to my day was rear-ending someone at a red light.  She was stopped and I just couldn't get stopped.  I just kept sliding, and sliding, and sliding.  Of course I tensed because I knew it was coming and so my back is a little sore.  Luckily there was very little damage, her bumper was crunched and my bumper is scraped a bit and that's it.  So we pull over into an empty parking lot to exchange info.  She was so darn sweet about the whole thing as we stood out in the freezing cold while I called Safeco to report it and get a claim number for her.

It could be worse and I know that, sometimes I just wish my life were filled with things that go right instead of things that go wrong.  That's not too much to ask is it??

Just a few more days!

It will definately be a white Christmas here at the Baird house!  It snowed all day and there is supposed to be more on the way later this week :)   The baking is done, the presents are shopped for, but not wrapped yet.  I need to make some MORE (notice the emphasis on more?) caramel and peanut brittle and finish up the grocery shopping.  The family wants a "non-traditional" Chinese dinner this year.  Where the heck did that come from?

I made a few presents this year, for Sara anyway.  She's the only person that I can do that for.  I certainly don't know how to whip up a gun case or a pair of binoculars in my basement *snort*.  I want to share her presents with you but I can't even do a sneak peek in case she sees this though!!  I will post them after Christmas as I am anxious to share them, I think they turned out rather well :)

I am back to work full time this week, well not really since we are done at 2:00 on Wednesday, but I am back to working 8 hours days.  It feels good to be back in the swing of things and getting caught up instead of just keeping up like I was when I was only working 4 hour days.  I have been nose to the grindstone and mostly have people on "ignore" right now.  I am highly irritated with some of my **team** members, so I am choosing to turn the other cheek and "ignore" their bad behavior.  I refuse to let others bring me down, now just lather, rinse and repeat that!!

Off to bed now, tomorrow is another day closer to Christmas!

Wow, time flies!

Has it really been a week?  My goodness, it just doesn't seem like it was that long ago that I last posted.  So what have I been doing?  Well, working for starters.  Baking Christmas goodies, mmm...  carmel, peanut brittle, chocolate crinkles, gingerbread men, peanut butter balls, chocolate dipped candy canes, boy the house has been smelling good lately!!

I have been reading too, I started the Twilight series last week and have made it through the first two books so far.  Amazing story line!  I love how Bella keeps getting saved at the last minute - the poor girl has more than nine lives!  Maybe now that I have read at least the first book I will have to go see the movie :)

The weekend was busy, we had Roy's Christmas party and then on Sunday we celebrated our 18 year anniversary!  It was a nice quiet day for us, Roy made breakfast and then we decorated gingerbread men with the kids and then it was out to dinner.

I finally started Christmas shopping today!  Can you believe it?  I really don't have that much to do as we drew names this year.  Brad's was the easiest, one click at Cabelas and I was done!  I ordered some stuff for Sara as well, and then I just need to get some stocking stufers, even Chevy has a stocking this year!

It has been super cold, the high today was maybe 5 below.  We got about 8-10 inches of snow on Saturday and more is on the way this week, I just hope the cold lets up a little.  The gas furnace pipes always freeze up and we can't get the pilot light to stay on so we have to rely on the hot water radiant heaters, bummer.  They just don't put out enough heat to keep the chill out.   Plus the garage door is moaning and groaning with the weather as well as our cars!  I don't mind the cold, but could we get it above zero please??

Back to work...

I went back to work yesterday, just half days for this first week back.  It is kicking my BUTT!!  I was so ready to get out and DO SOMETHING, but I had no idea I was going to be this tired!!  After four hours at work, all I want to do is come home and sleep :)

It has been snowing here lately and we have about 6 inches of the fluffy white stuff.  Chevy is absolutely LOVING it!  He heads outside and just plops right down in the snow and chews on a stick for hours at a time.  I would think that he would get cold, but it doesn't seem to bother him at all.  Of course that would be why he wants to cuddle with me when he comes back in,

I FINALLY got Brad and Sara's wedding album done :)  I didn't have time to get any of the pages scanned before I gave it to them on Saturday, but I can always get it back for a few days.  I wanted to give it to them before Cal's party so that her parent's and the rest of the family could see it.  I felt so guilty that I hadn't finished it before now and Sara has been so patient with me, only asking about it a few times!

Well I have errands to run now - til later :)

Resolve is setting in...

And it's a good thing :)  After having my momentary pity party (okay well it really lasted for a week, but who's counting?)  I have decided that I am not going to let this get me down.  I am going to spend the next 6 months getting myself in better shape, continuing to eat right and just maintaining my health so that if this DOES turn into something, I am better prepared to handle it. 

It does help that Roy has been incredible in decreasing my stress over this whole thing.  He has reminded me of his unconditional love on a daily basis and told me more than a hundred times that it would be okay if I didn't have a left boob, that I would still be perfect in his eyes.  Yep, I did marry a wonderful man :)

Last night we went to Helena to celebrate Cal Houston's 90th birthday!!  Cal is Sara's grandpa on her mom's side and I tell you what, that family knows how to party!!  I didn't grab my camera last night, but this is a photo of Sara and her grandpa at the wedding last year.

What a huge shindig it was, so many family and friends there to help him celebrate this milestone.  I got bit by a HUGE grandma bug, you know the kind where you carry around the most amazing little boy in your arms and look at your kids with longing.  Except that Brad wouldn't look at me!  Nope - at least 4-5 more years he kept saying.  Oh well, I was at least grateful that I got to hold the little cutie for a while...

We asked Cal what he felt was the greatest achievement in his life, the answer?  Being married to the same woman for the last 68 years :)  How is that for sweet!  Cal and Dot both are amazing for their age.  I only wish that I can be half as spry as he is when I am 90!  Here are the two of them dancing the night away at Brad and Sara's wedding.  I can't wait to see what kind of a party they have when they celebrate 70 years together!!

Alrighty then, off to decorate the house for Christmas, make some cookies and banana bread :)  Have a great Sunday everyone!

I could be a ticking time bomb...

I had my appointment yesterday for the extra views and the ultrasound of my left breast.  The mamogram tech was incredible, she answered all of my questions and explained everything as it was happening.  She told me that there was a spot that the radiologist was concerned about and that they wanted to pinpoint it to get a better look.  When she found it with the mamogram, she showed me the spot on the screen.  It's a little smaller than a dime in size.  The radiologist wanted to see if they could see it better with the ultrasound machine, so off I went into the ultrasound suite.  Unfortunately the ultrasound tech had a rough time finding the same spot and after multiple conferences with the radiologist and another ultrasound tech, they decided to put me back in the mamogram machine to pinpoint the area and then look at it with the ultrasound machine.  This meant being squished again, and staying squished while they looked!  Needless to say, I have bruises and feel like someone punched me in the left boob!!

After several tense minutes of this and three different people hovering over me they still weren't able to see the spot very clearly.  The radiologist is concerned about the spot due to its location, however he didn't feel it was big enough to biopsy yet.  I have to return in six months for more of the same and if it has grown, they will biopsy it then. 

I was at least grateful to get this information from them right then and there instead of waiting for my regular doctor to give me a call on Tuesday, but the information still leaves me with a heavy heart.  For the next six months I am going to wonder, what is happening, is it growing?  Is it staying the same?  Is it just part of my genetic make-up and it really means nothing?  What if it hasn't changed in six months?  Does that mean it will change in the next six months after that?

I have never been a patient person and unfortunately I do think that this whole experience is going to change me.  Maybe for the better, maybe for the worse.  I guess time will tell... 

well...

I did finally hear from my doctor, basically she told me things that I already knew though.  Given my family history they just want to check a "suspicious" area out further.  So I go in tomorrow for the extra views and the ultrasound. 

I am trying not to think about it, trying to "divert" myself with making a few more necklaces and bracelets for some custom orders I got.  I have also been trying to put together papers and embellies for the February kit, and maybe, just maybe, today I will head to the basement.  I know that I am not supposed to be taking stairs too often, the doctor said to limit them, but if I read another steamy romance, or watch another stupid movie (I haven't even been able to bear having the tv on the past two days!) I think I will officially go insane.

It snowed for about 36 hours and we are covered in a beautiful blanket of fluffy white stuff :)  I want to take a walk, and enjoy the crisp clean air, except that it's about 10 degrees outside right now!  Hopefully it will warm up and I can get some cool pics today.  I am itching to take the camera outside, especially since this is the really cool snow, the kind where you can actually see perfect snowflakes with your naked eye :)

Letters in the mail...

Have you ever had one of those moments?  You know like we have all seen on the movies a hundred and one times?  The moment where someone reads a letter containing bad news and they are instantly transported to another time and place.  The kind of place where the future is uncertain and the possible ramifications of this news swirl in your head.

I had never had one of those moments in my life, until Saturday. 

The letter was from the facility that I had my mammogram at a few weeks ago.  The radiologist is recommending that I return for special views of my left breast along with an ultrasound of the suspicious area in order to make a more definitive diagnosis.  All of a sudden my world was spinning.  I have a family history of breast cancer on 3 out of 4 sides of my family tree and something like this has always concerned me.  I kept telling myself that THIS was not happening, yet I couldn't stop reading the letter. 

I don't know what they found that made them want the extra views.  I left a message for my doctor earlier about it but still haven't heard back from her.  I honestly don't know what to think of this yet.  It could be nothing, on the other hand it could BE SOMETHING... and that right now is killing me.  The not knowing, having your mind wander, thinking about all the possibilities.  It's just a little much right now, espcially when that's all I have on my hands right now is time while I sit here recovering.